possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
