I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
