You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
