If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
