I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
