we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
