Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
