I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
