I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
