'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
