you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
