ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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