Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
