I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
