Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
