you would pick up someone in the library
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
