I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
