There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
