he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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