What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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