Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
