I could make wine with my vomit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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