wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
