chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
