you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
