the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
