i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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