A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
