You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
