I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
