Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
