I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
