How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
