he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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