just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
