pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
