Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
