and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
