At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
