im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
a search helicopter?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
