there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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