there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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