i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
