How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
