I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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