it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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