Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
