we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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