At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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