Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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