oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
