New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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