I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
