sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
